4/27/2010

I was thinking of something that happened a couple of years ago. I was eating at some fast food place and some guy sitting near me started talking to me. He said something like "**** is my name, pooten tang is my game..." He said that he was related to someone famous and started asking me questions about law school. I just finished my food hastily and got out of there as soon as possible. Was I "sleeping" because I didn't dial 911 and grab a can of mace?

I rarely hold onto the past. I remember good times and even go so far as to blog them occasionally. I don't hold onto it unless it is a past that is plausibly revisited. I usually don't hold onto bad feelings because if anything unforgivably ergregious happens I believe in disassociating. If I am not going to encounter them or remnants of what they have done in the past why think of that? There is no valid reason why I couldn't return to some variation of my Los Angeles life in the near future. Since that is something that would be cool I view it that way. I don't know that many of the same people are still around and things have changed, but such is life. Aside from that, there isn't much of a plausible possibility of the past being revisited. Some people need things to be perceived as they were 15 years ago for the sake of their argument. That works sometimes but, in regards to my own life, its not plausible. You won't get any encouraging of that sort of thing on my end. At the age of thirty, if I havent seen someone in ten years I have no idea what to expect when I encounter often. I can't relate to the kind of life that makes it likely that who a person was at 15 is only marginally different than who they are at 30. (I get bothered more than most people about something like that so I continue to blog about it. I am probably too nice: People bother a**holes a lot less)

I attempt to start over in life but it is difficult. In the past I have lacked some level of understanding of the things/people that I needed to leave behind. I perceive it as cancer: a doctor has to have a level of understanding of the cancer that allows him/ her to target the cancer and not leave remnants of the cancers or cut away something benign during the treatment process. I have not been very effective at removing cancer from my life (I don't literally have cancer, its an analogy). I can't start over into infinity so I have to make the next time count. All things considered I am probably missing to some extent but I don't know how to sort something like that out.

Some anonymous comment poster thought that I seemed confused. I wouldn't say that having my accounts hacked constantly and having my e-mail address canceled (among other things) is "confusing." There isn't really any dissonance in my mind about that. I think that peanut butter and jelly togther doesn't make sense to that person. I guess it depends on who you ask.... I don't have a problem with people who see things differently than me, but allow me to interact with someone else when all is said and done if we don't see eye to eye. Don't continue to bother me.